


cut all the ropes and let me fall

by princesstomaz



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/F, Flashbacks, Smidge Of Angst, Some minor swearing, feelings realized, mention of amaya/zari
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-05 03:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17317046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesstomaz/pseuds/princesstomaz
Summary: Zari is injured and Charlie reflects on the time they’ve shared, the feelings she might be denying and how she really doesn’t want a life without Zari in it.After recovering, Zari also notices the changes between them and can’t help wondering what all of this means and where they go from here.





	1. Chapter 1

Charlie felt her eyes begin to fill with tears and she shook her head, refusing to let herself weep by the bedside of an injured teammate. It wasn’t that she hadn’t grown a certain fondness for her time-travelling companions. Over the past few months, she had adjusted to life on the Waverider, found her place just as they had said she would. Forced allies had become friends and her reservations about the team and their mission had long faded away.

There was one among the Legends however, that still remained an uncertainty. The two had clashed at first, which wasn’t surprising as she uncovered more about the relationship Zari once had with the same individual with whom Charlie now shared a face. As time went on they had learned to live more harmoniously. There had been the odd moment of genuine affection between the two and the even rarer occurrence of some tension neither way too sure of, not that they had ever spoken about it afterwards. The first was a total accident.

_Charlie was busying herself in the library, headphones blaring one of her favorite tracks as she scanned the shelves for a book Sara had sent her to find. She still wasn’t entirely on board with taking orders and she doubted how much the captain really needed a volume dedicated to marine battles. Nevertheless, it gave her an excuse to duck out of another lecture from Director Sharpe who had made an impromptu appearance._

_Engrossed in trying to locate the book, she hadn’t noticed Zari enter the library behind her. She’d stood in the doorway for a while, watching Charlie run her fingers over each of the books on one shelf, muttering the titles aloud as she went. Catching herself staring, she cleared her throat and took a few steps forward. The other woman remained completely oblivious to her presence so she carefully approached and lightly tapped on her shoulder to get her attention._

_Charlie has been lost in her own world of Sex Pistols and book titles when movement over her shoulder sent a warning jolt through her body. Without hesitating, she spun quickly, seizing her attacker and pinning them to the wall behind, holding their wrists firmly in her hands. Her eyes widened as she recognized Zari, staring at her with a look of utter shock. Charlie exhaled, relieved she wasn’t under attack after all. In the struggle, her headphones had fallen and clattered to the ground. The distant sound of loud punk music rising  slowly to fill what little space was left between them. She became very aware that she still had Zari pinned to the wall and neither of them had said a word. They’d been this close before, closer even, when she’d dared to challenge something she said, hoping to provoke a reaction. This occasion seemed different. She hadn’t intended to stand so close  and she certainly wouldn’t have jumped straight into defence mode had she known who it was. But there they were anyway._

_Zari held her breath, not sure what she was feeling or what was running through her mind. Her gaze was fixed on the face that was mere inches away from her own. The realization of the moment came flooding back to her. If it had been anybody else she would have been prepared with a sarcastic quip but for once she found herself speechless. Not wanting to give that away, she pressed her lips together tightly and narrowed her eyes, waiting for Charlie to make some remark. To her surprise, she remained silent. Her hands dropped, releasing her hold and allowing some space between them. She looked as if she was about to say something but didn’t. Instead, she reached to scoop the fallen headphones and rushed out of the library, disappearing down the corridor._

Charlie blinked, conscious that her eyes were welling up again. She wanted to say she hadn’t thought about that encounter in the library since it happened but that wasn’t true. The memory had lingered in the back of her mind for days. It had annoyed her, how she had acted in the moment and how it haunted her afterwards. Zari never brought it up and acted as though it never happened when they saw each other again so she insisted on doing the same. The idea was easier said than done.

She shook her head. This wasn’t the time to be lingering on such a memory. She forced herself to look up at the screen on the wall next to her. The oscillating diagrams, ever-changing symbols and medical jargon were alien to her. She didn’t understand any of it. All she knew was Zari had been badly hurt.

_“I thought you’d be interested to know that Captain Lance and Miss Tomaz have returned to the ship,” Gideon’s voice cut through the silence that had fallen in the parlour. Charlie glanced up from where she lay sprawled out on a large armchair, acknowledging the announcement. The book she had been scanning before drifting into a light sleep remained open but had slid to the floor. She retrieved the book and slammed it shut._

_“Alright...good,” she slowly sat up, deliberately trying not to seem to eager even though nobody but the AI could see her. “I’ll um…well I should probably go and check in.” She stood up, nervously stuffing her hands in the front pockets of her ripped jeans. “That wendigo is a real piece of work and I’d hate to think what he’d do if he found them spying on him.” She wasn’t talking to anyone in particular but voicing her reasoning for locating Zari made her feel more assured that she wasn’t hurrying just to see if she okay. Why would she care? She did care, in the exact same way she cared if Sara or any other member of the team had gone out there. This wasn’t any different just because it was Zari, was it?_

_Her internal questions remained unanswered, forced to the back of her mind as she edged out of the parlour and headed towards the cargo bay where she expected to find the returning reconnaissance team. Conscious of her own pace, still deliberately trying not to rush or seem eager, she made her way through the corridors of the Waverider that had become increasingly familiar._

_She stopped in her tracks as she turned the corner. Mick, Sara and Ray were rushing towards her. It took a moment to realize what was going on, to recognize the sickeningly still body in Mick’s arms. Zari._

A loud beep echoed through the medbay, once again dragging Charlie’s attention back to the present. Her eyes darted to the screens, nervously anticipating Gideon’s voice to deliver an update she was afraid to hear. Nothing. The beeping stopped and the screens returned to normal.

“Gideon?” She could hear how shaky her voice sounded, scared and vulnerable, no trace of her usual self-assured confidence.

“Miss Tomaz is stable but remains unconscious” Charlie exhaled, stable was alright. It wasn’t the news she wanted but it was better than the other possibilities that had crossed her mind. “I have determined that her injuries are of mystical origins and informed the rest of the team. Mr Constantine and Miss Darhk are on their way.”

She nodded, not even having the energy to make a sarcastic retort. Of course the injuries were mystical in origin, they’d gone up against a bloody wendigo, one of the most vicious beings she’d had the misfortune of meeting. She clenched her fists and glanced back to Zari again. She should’ve been there. She’d warned them that wendigos were volatile and violent, even if they didn’t intend to engage in any contact with it. Even after Sara insisted it was a simple ‘watch and report’ scout mission, she knew something was bound to go sideways.

No longer caring whether or not she cried, she let a tear fall down her cheek as she slowly reached forward to take Zari’s hand. “Come on, Z. You’re tougher than this. Wake up.” She looked down at their hands as another tear rolled down her face. She was cold. That wasn’t a good sign. Zari wasn’t cold, she was never cold. That was something Charlie had learned just days after the library incident _._

_Neither had said a word about it, not to each other or anyone else. She kept silent on the matter, denying any acknowledgement of the warmth that had risen in her chest when they stood so close to one another. She wouldn’t let her mind drift back to the vivid memory of Zari’s gaze fixed on her with a look of curiosity and something that she almost dared to believe was delight. She refused to let it take over her mind again and yet here she was, looking down at her hands, remembering how they held Zari’s in place against the wall and the fire that crept over her skin whenever they touched. There was nothing about Zari that felt cold._

_“Are you gonna eat that?” Zari strolled into the galley where Charlie was sat, a slice of pizza left untouched on the plate in front of her. Snapping out of her thoughts, she shook her head before offering a warm smile._

_“You want it?” She pushed the plate towards the other woman who dropped herself into the seat next to her with a heavy sigh._

_“Thanks.” Charlie watched as she ate, never ceasing to be amused by how much joy Zari seemed to draw just from eating her favorite foods._

_“Are you just going to watch me?” Zari questioned with a mouth full of pizza. She nudged her elbow into Charlie’s side and they both grinned. They were slowly but surely adjusting to living with each other and getting more comfortable in moments alone like this._

_“It’s not like there’s anything more interesting going on,” Charlie noted, nudging her back. She couldn’t help the genuine glee spreading over her features at the playful contact. As fun as winding Zari up was, she liked it even more when they could just talk and not be tense in each other’s company._

_“Well I for one, am enjoying the break and the time I can spend playing Legend of Zelda in peace.” Zari smiled victoriously, pleased with herself as she took another bite. “It’s a video game,” she explained to Charlie’s look of confusion, “I can show you if you want.”_

_Charlie frowned, not entirely sure why the invitation had been extended but she intended to accept it anyway. “Yeah, alright.” Her frown melted in a more reassured smile. “Oh wait, first though…” she picked up a napkin and gently swiped away the smudge of tomato sauce left on Zari’s cheek as she’d devoured what was left of the pizza._

_Zari’s eyes dropped, cheeks flushed at the unexpected gesture. She wasn’t sure at what point they’d become so relaxed around each other, or when their bickering and jibing turned to friendly banter and innocent touches._

_“Thanks,” her voice quietened, feeling slightly awkward at how she reacted to such a simple thing. “Uh...Zelda!” She suddenly regained control of her thoughts and remembered what was she was meant to be doing. She stood up from the table and headed to the doors. She paused, despite her embarrassment she was in no hurry to get away. “You still coming?”_

_Charlie watched all of this happen in less than a minute. There was still so much about Zari that she couldn’t figure out, so much was still the most intriguing mystery she couldn’t tear herself away from. She nodded and followed her out of the room, discarding the napkin on the empty plate._

_“_ How’s she doing?” Once again, Charlie found herself blinking in confusion, staring at John who had just strolled into the medbay. She shrugged her shoulders before standing up. Giving one last glance to Zari, she pushed past John and Nora, who’d stepped in behind him, and left. Despite her experience with magical creatures and extensive knowledge of them, she had very little to contribute in terms of actual magic. That was better left to John and Nora. They could no doubt do more for Zari than she could sitting by her side, dwelling on all that had been left unsaid.

She weaved aimlessly through the corridors, unsure of exactly where her feet were taking her. She stopped suddenly and glanced to her side. This was Zari’s room. The door had been left open and she slowly stepped inside, still expecting to hear a familiar voice make some snide comment about privacy. Without giving much thought to why, she dropped down on the bed, feeling some small comfort being surrounded by all of Zari’s things. She’d stopped crying by now but the twisted knot in her stomach was showing no signs of subsiding.

Desperate for some distraction, her eyes scanned the room and fell onto the video game controllers scattered on the floor at the end of the bed. A slight smile forced its way out as she fondly remembered the hours she had spent in this room, watching Zari get lost in various pixelated worlds, and the most recent moment they’d shared right before her earlier departure.

“ _This_ _isn’t_ _working!” Zari couldn’t help but laugh at the anguished call._

_“It’s working fine, you’re just really bad at this,” she pressed a button on the controller in her own hands to pause the game and looked over at Charlie._

_“Can we go back to the other game? I was good at that one.” She met Zari’s gaze with an expectant smile._

_“And by good you mean you shouted and threw pillows at me so I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing, giving you an easy win?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“No!”_

_“Well then show me again what I’m supposed to be doing with these controls.” She held up her hands with a playful smirk. Zari rolled her eyes. How could one person be so charming and infuriating at the same time? She pushed the thought aside and began explaining again how to work the controls of the game they were supposed to be playing. Their fingers brushed as she pointed to different buttons on the controller, trying hard not to look at the amused grin still plastered to Charlie’s face._

_“What?” She turned her face and inhaled, becoming very aware of how close they were._

_“Nothing,” Charlie’s smiled softened. One of her hands let go of the controller and reached to gently pull back a strand of hair that had fallen onto Zari’s face, tucking it behind her ear._

_They remained still for a moment, never breaking eye contact, both holding their breath. She wasn’t sure who leaned in first but before she knew it, Zari’s lips were on hers. Both controllers lay forgotten in their laps as hands reached to pull each other close. The kiss was soft, delicate and far more tender than Charlie expected. Her eyes dropped shut, losing herself in the embrace._

_Zari pulled back abruptly, her eyes shooting down as if suddenly distracted by her own hands. Charlie opened her eyes and immediately saw the look of uncertainty in her eyes, she almost looked sad. Then it hit her. She’d been thinking about someone else. She knew exactly who but she couldn’t bring herself to say the name, to breathe life into something she wanted forgotten._

_Not giving her a chance to say anything or add insult to injury, she stood up. Her mouth went dry and she could feel a pang in her chest of guilt or jealousy or something else she didn’t care for. The game controller dropped with a thud to the ground as she strode towards the door. She couldn’t stay here._

_“Charlie, wait!” Zari’s voice tore through the lingering silence. Before she could continue however, Gideon interrupted with a timely announcement that they’d located another fugitive and Sara was calling for a team meeting to discuss wendigo hunting tactics._

_Zari sighed but kept her eyes on Charlie, “can we talk about this? After the mission I mean.”_

_“Whatever,” Charlie shrugged and headed out the door. She was glad for the interruption, relieved at the chance to get out of there and not have to think about what just happened and what it meant._

_The team briefing concluded in Sara dividing the group with different objectives. Herself and Zari would tail someone they believed to be connected with the events Gideon had identified as being the location of another fugitive. Mick, Ray and Nora were headed in another direction to ask questions, leaving Charlie and John behind to gather what information they could about wendigos._

_She’d thrown herself into the research, surrounding herself with books in the middle of the library floor and sat in silence. John was busy with his own investigations and knew better than to interrupt when she was so focused. In the midst of her sudden new interest, she hadn’t dared let herself think about the kiss. Anytime she let her mind wander back, she grabbed a new book or moved to a different area of the ship to keep her thoughts trained on the task at hand. That was how she ended up in the parlour, asleep, as Gideon announced the return of her teammates._

Charlie exhaled loudly. Maybe looking for a distraction wasn’t the best idea when she kept going to back to what had happened over the past few days. But this kept happening. The moments that had come back to her in the past hour or so were only a handful and suddenly it felt like they were all creeping to the front of her mind, as vivid as if they had only just happened. The days she spent watching Zari work tirelessly in the lab, tapping away at a keyboard and occasionally muttering to herself; the night she’d found her grabbing a midnight snack in the kitchen and the two somehow ended up trying to make brownies which ended in a small fire and fits of giggles as they scurried away to hide and avoid Sara’s wrath; the way Zari had reached for her hand as they walked through a busy crowd; the jokes that none of their other team members seemed to understand; the feeling of aching loneliness whenever Zari left the room; the small smiles shared that nobody else caught and the kiss that she’d tried to forget but still burned on her lips even now.

“Dr. Palmer asked me to inform you that Miss Tomaz is awake,” Gideon barely finished the sentence before she rushed to the door. None of that mattered now. Zari could hate her for the rest of their lives and never want to see her again, it didn’t matter as long as she was awake. The medbay seemed further away than she remembered but suddenly she was there. Panting from the exertion of her sprint, she leaned against the doorway and took a moment to gather her thoughts. The rest of the team had already assembled. Mick had made himself comfortable in the other medbay chair, swigging from a bottle. John and Nora stood with their arms crossed against the opposite wall, proud smiles on their faces. They’d done it then, she figured, whatever magic they’d conjured had worked. Ray and Sara stood on either side of Zari who was now sitting upright, eyes wide open.

Charlie felt her breath catch in her throat at the sight of her. She pressed her lips together, desperately willing herself not to start crying again. Zari looked across the room and caught her eye. Sara seemed to notice and made excuses for everyone to leave and give Zari some space to breathe. Charlie stood frozen as the others passed her.

“Why don’t you keep her company, she might be a little disoriented” Sara spoke quietly, offering a comforting smile. Perhaps she and Zari had discussed what had happened whilst out on their mission. Maybe it was just her intuition or maybe it was just a coincidence that she told Charlie to stay behind. She wasn’t about to complain either way and stepped forward as the captain gave her a reassuring pat on the back. Then they were alone.

“Hi.” _Oh_ _for_ _fucks_ _sake_ , she inwardly cursed, why was that all she could manage to say? Zari had been half dead less than five minutes ago, she’d spent that time running over every moment they’d shared and trying not to think about a world without her and all she could muster was one weak ‘hi’.

A smile pulled at the corners of Zari’s mouth, “hi.”

The tension seemed to ease as they both started chuckling at their ever so slightly awkward greetings. Charlie took a deep breath and hooked her thumbs into the belt loops of her jeans, leaning back into her usual stance in hope of looking calmer than she felt.

“You alright?” It was a stupid question but it was better than nothing and she surprised herself with how nonchalant she sounded.

“Peachy,” Zari nodded, not sure how else to describe what she could remember about the attack. “My head’s a little fuzzy and there are some pretty impressive bruises on my legs but I think-”

“I’m sorry.” Charlie cut her off, unable to silence her gnawing feelings any longer. Zari looked at her, confused, as if trying to figure out what it was she was apologising for. “For the kiss,” she continued, forcing herself to hold her gaze despite how much she wanted to look away, “for springing it on you and acting like a complete twat when I stormed off. I didn’t think, I never think, and it was selfish and I know now probably isn’t the best time but I just needed to say it. I’m sorry.”

Zari opened her mouth as if to speak but no words came out. She had no idea what to say and Charlie couldn’t bare the silence. She stepped forward and sat down in the seat that had been drawn next to the medbay chair. “I was in a right state when you came back,” her voice dropped to barely more than a whisper, Zari couldn’t recall ever seeing her look so scared and vulnerable. “I can’t really imagine a Waverider, or a team or a world without Zari Tomaz. It just wouldn’t be right.”

The two remained in silence for a few moments. It wasn’t particularly uncomfortable or awkward but neither was too sure exactly what to say. Charlie finally spoke again, taking a second first to take a deep breath and summon some sort of courage. What she wanted to say needed to be said. “I know I’m not _her_ , I never will be and I know it must be difficult when I look like this,” she gestured vaguely towards her own face, “but I care about you.” She took another deep breath, “I love you. And it feels messy and complicated and after the day we’ve had I really don’t want to have to try and figure out exactly how or in what way but you mean a lot and I’m just glad you’re still here.”

Zari responded with a nod and reached for Charlie’s hand. She intertwined their fingers and offered a gentle smile. What she’d said was true, their whole situation felt messy and complicated and it wasn’t the time to try and pick through it all. For now they were both content with the sense of calmness and peace that had settled between them, and the feeling of the other’s hand held in her own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks had passed since the wendigo attack that had put Zari out of action for almost a day. Being unconscious in the medbay for that span of time, she was completely oblivious to the hours Charlie had spent restlessly pacing and wandering through the ship. All she knew was the rush of emotions that had poured out after she’d woken up and the change in mood between them that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She had to admit she was even less certain of what she and Charlie were now than she was before all that happened.

Zari sat alone in the galley with her legs pulled up to her chest and a mug of herbal tea, one of Ray’s concoctions, sitting untouched on the table in front of her. She unwrapped her arms from around her knees and reached for the warm mug before taking a small sip. There was always a soothing sense of comfort to be drawn from her moments alone like this, when the rest of the team were asleep and the Waverider fell silent but for the low hum of the complex machinery that kept them suspended in the temporal zone. She cradled the drink in her hands and exhaled. After the headache that had plagued her all day, she needed this. 

_“What were you thinking?!” Sara’s authoritative voice cut through the commotion in the cargo bay. Everyone fell silent, averting their eyes as she charged through them towards Charlie. “Recklessly jumping in front of fire like that? Were you trying to get yourself killed?”_

_Zari was the only one who hadn’t turned from the ongoing row or tried to slip away. She watched as Charlie clenched her jaw and stood tall in the face of their furious captain. After a few seconds, Sara sighed loudly, shook her head and pulled back, letting her anger fall away to leave a look of genuine concern. “Just be careful next time, okay?”_

_ Charlie looked ready for a fight but at the sound of a softer voice, she too let her body relax into a less defensive stance and nodded in silence before watching Sara follow the rest of her team out of the cargo bay and further into the ship.  _

_ “Are you okay?” Zari wasn’t too sure what to say but her question ruptured the silence and seemed to put her teammate more at ease.  _

_ “Fine.” Charlie answered with a dismissive wave of her hand. She drew her gaze away from the exit and, noticing the unconvinced look of concern, held her arms out in front of her for inspection. “See, not even a scratch.” With a playful wink, she let her arms drop back to her sides and turned to follow the others.  _

_ “Why did you do it?” That was a difficult question and Zari could tell from the way she froze suddenly and her shoulders tensed up that she was carefully considering her answer. _

_ Moments before they returned to the ship, the team had been engaged in a full blown old west shoot out with a band of troublesome pixies that were causing chaos with some stolen shotguns. Fortunately, John had an old trick up his sleeve and managed to cast a spell to freeze the creatures long enough for the others to round them up. But not before one took a shot in Zari’s direction. Charlie had been by her side in the fray and, without wasting a second, pushed Zari aside as the shot narrowly missed her shoulder and embedded itself in the wall behind them. That was what had made Sara so angry. They’d grown familiar with Charlie’s recklessness and affinity for danger but deliberately throwing herself in the path of a speeding bullet was definitely a first.  _

_ “Why do you think?” Charlie looked over her shoulder, briefly catching her eye before disappearing.  _

Zari lifted the mug to her lips, taking another warm sip as she pondered the question that had remained stuck in her mind ever since.  _ Why do you think?  _ She knew why, or at least she thought she did. Charlie had put herself on the receiving end of a shotgun-wielding pixie for the very same reason she’d hung around in the medbay for almost three hours as Zari was recovering from the wendigo attack, why all her lingering stares seemed softer than they did before and why gravitating towards each other had become more impossible to resist. There was  _ something _ between them. Something had changed when she woke up after the attack that started when three little words had come tumbling from Charlie’s lips.

In truth, it hadn’t surprised her one bit. The two of them had steadily grown closer since the series of events she referred to as the ‘John and Charlie breaking all of time’ incident. A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth as she recalled the moment they’d shared just after restoring the timeline. Charlie admitted to finally feeling like part of the team and the reason she wanted to remain in her current form. And it was that current form, or it’s likeness at least, that seemed to be causing so much trouble.

Zari set the mug back down on the table and curled her arms around her legs again, feeling more secure just by holding herself together for a minute. She was glad to be alone when her mind found its way back to Amaya. Talking about her was easy, everyone mentioned her from time to time, even more so after Charlie had joined the Legends, wearing the same face as their former teammate. But letting herself ponder on her memories of Amaya for long always left her emotional and confused so she’d found it best to be alone.

Zari let herself remember Amaya’s presence on the ship, the way she smiled, her soft reassuring voice, her determined spirit that never wavered and their unmistakable bond that came so easily to someone who had been closed off for the longest time. Each of her companions had made their own impact on her life since she joined the team, and she treasured each of those, but it was Amaya with whom she shared the strongest connection. To this day she still didn’t know if it was their totems that drew them together or something more and she was gone before Zari ever found the answer. 

“Can’t sleep?” Started by the interruption, Zari frantically whipped her head around to scan her environment. The galley remained peaceful, plunged in semi-darkness except for the dim lights of the kitchen and as if by magic, Charlie was stood right there in the doorway. 

“Headache.” Zari forced a smile. It wasn’t really the headache that kept her up and she knew she could easily ask Gideon to administer something to rid her of it and her insomnia. She’d chosen to stay up and try to resolve some of the thoughts swimming through her mind but so far none of it really helped.

“Oh,” Charlie crossed the room and sat herself down in a nearby chair. She leaned forward, elbows planted on her knees and fixed Zari with a playful smirk, “you know, I can think of one really good cure for a headache.” 

Zari’s brow furrowed in confusion at the response. Surely she didn’t mean alcohol, the whole team knew she didn’t drink, and there was nothing Charlie was in possession of that Gideon couldn’t provide. Her eyes widened as she took in the knowing grin and realized exactly what she’d been referring to.

She didn’t know what to say and the silence hung heavy between them, Charlie’s amused look never faulting. It wouldn’t be the first time, she reminded herself.

_ “I made you this,” Zari looked up from the busy screen to find Charlie stood next to her, smiling eagerly and holding a plate with both hands. _

_ The two had been left behind whilst the others dove into their next mission. Sara has been reluctant to send her out in the field despite her full recovery and to everyone’s surprise, Charlie, who was normally first out the door and ready to throw herself into action, volunteered to stay behind and keep her company. _

_ “You’ve been in here for hours and thought you might need something to eat,” Charlie set the plate down on the table and took a small step back, looking almost awkward as her hands swung down to her sides.  _

_ “Thanks,” Zari flashed an appreciative smile and her eyes dropped to the sandwich on the plate. She had lost track of how long she’d been in the lab and her stomach quietly growled, reminding her just how much she needed food. _

_ “I hope it’s alright,” Charlie was rambling now, it was obvious, and Zari couldn’t help finding it irresistibly adorable, “I know you don’t eat pork and there’s no ham or bacon or anything and I racked my brains but couldn’t remember if there was anything else you didn’t eat. I checked with Gideon and she said this should be alright but I can get you something else if you-” _

_ Zari raised a hand, hoping to calm her nervous babble. “It’s fine. It looks good. Thank you.” She beamed and took a large bite out of the sandwich. Charlie stood awkwardly, unsure whether or not she actually wanted to stick around and inwardly furious that she’d let herself get so worked up over a bloody sandwich.  _

_ “Oh this is perfect,” Zari mumbled, mouth still full of food. “You did good, this is amazing.” A bright smile pushed its way onto Charlie’s face before settling into her typical, almost mischievous grin.  _

_ “Well after you’ve had this, you need to take a break and I’m not taking no for an answer.” Zari didn’t even bother trying to argue with her. Staring at screens for so long was starting to make her feel drowsy and the bright lights in the lab were beginning to hurt her eyes. After a few minutes, she finished the sandwich, muttered another appreciative thank you and stood up, intending to make her way over to the couch in the lab to rest for a short while.  _

_ Her plan was interrupted by a hand in hers and she didn’t hold back or argue when she found herself being pulled towards the doorway. She realized they were halfway to her room when Charlie stopped and turned around to face her. Arms quickly circled her waist, drawing her close as all the uncertainty and tension that had lulled between them over the past few days melted away. Kissing her didn’t seem surprising anymore, it felt inevitable and so she let herself relax in her embrace, her own hands reaching to cup Charlie’s face as she pulled her into a kiss. _

_ “Is this what you had in mind for a break?” Zari leaned forward, touching their foreheads together as they broke apart, a warm smile on her lips.  _

_ “Well this and maybe something else.” Charlie’s quick retort was met with a raised eyebrow but she was followed nevertheless as she headed along the corridors to Zari’s room. _

_ When they finally reached their destination, the two didn’t waste any time scrambling inside, refusing to take their hands or eyes off each other. The door slid shut as Zari pulled her close, dropping quick kisses on her neck and down to the edge of her shirt. Charlie let out a quiet moan, and reached to pull her towards the bed.  _

“Hello? Earth to Z!” Zari blinked in confusion. She hadn’t even been aware that she’d completely spaced out until a hand appeared in front of her face, snapping fingers to bring her attention back to the present. “You were thinking about it, weren’t you?” With an unmistakably smug grin fixed on her face, Charlie watched as her teammate forced her mind to collect her thoughts and focus on the current conversation.

Noticing the confusion wasn’t subsiding, she sighed and let her face fall into a more sympathetic smile, “I was kidding.”

Zari looked across to Charlie. “I have actually been thinking about it a lot.” This was neither the time or place she’d imagined having this exchange but it needed to happen sooner or later and at least they didn’t have to worry about someone interrupting them. 

“You have?” Now it was Charlie’s turn to wear the look of bewilderment. She thought she’d react more confidently to someone telling her they’d been thinking about sleeping with her and yet she was left shocked into silence. 

“Well more specifically I was thinking about last week...when we…” Zari’s words trailed off, suddenly feeling as if maybe she’d made a mistake bringing it up at all.

“When we had sex.” Charlie finished her sentence bluntly. “We’re all adults, Z, it’s not a bad word.” Her smile returned, though she was still acting kinder than the mocking and ridicule Zari had been expecting. “And yeah, if you want to, we can talk about it.”

“I want to talk about  _ us _ .” It was a bold statement but something Zari knew she needed to say. It was a topic they’d both edged away from before, scared of ruining the delicate peace they’d created with one another.

_ Zari’s head hit the familiar comfort of her pillow with an elated sigh. Her hands released the clutch of bedsheets they’d been gripping so feverishly and she felt her whole body relax.  _

_ “You were right,” her voice was quiet and breathy, “I did need a break.” She felt the warmth of hands on her lower body slide away and the mattress shift slightly with the redistribution of weight as Charlie moved from where she’d been so attentively hovering between her legs to lie down on her side, her face making a gentle impact on pillow next to Zari’s.  _

_ Feeling a watchful gaze on her, Zari let her eyes fall shut. She was enjoying the sensations that were still pulsating through her body too much to care what playful or teasing remarks would be said in the aftermath of their ‘break’. Instead of words to fill the comfortable silence, she was met with feather light touches tracing a delicate line across her collarbone. She almost shivered at the touch. It was calm, peaceful, like the rest of the world had fallen away and left the two of them alone on her bed. Zari couldn’t remember ever feeling so lost in a moment and yet so completely at ease with it.  _

_ She could’ve happily lay there for hours, and no doubt would have done if Gideon hadn’t made an abrupt announcement to inform them that the team had returned. _

_ “I guess the break’s over.” Zari couldn’t help sounding annoyed as she opened her eyes and forced herself to sit up. _

“ _You never know…” Charlie’s voice sounded calm and inviting, making it harder for her to will herself away from the bed. Gentle kisses pressed against her shoulder and across to her neck causing her to audibly exhale as she felt the familiar weight settle beside her. “They could just be regrouping before heading out again and this time they could be gone for ages.” She felt a light kiss on her neck, causing her to sigh as Charlie went on. “Hours. Maybe even days.” Lips dragged along the curve of her neck to her ear lobe. “We might be here alone for a_ very _ long time.” _

“I thought you were avoiding that.” Once more, Charlie’s voice pierced the silence and drew Zari’s wandering mind back to the galley. 

“Funny. I thought  _ you  _ wanted to avoid this.” She’d tried not to sound angry or annoyed but she couldn’t help it. For the past couple of weeks, trying to read Charlie or guess what she was thinking had been a whole job in itself. One minute she’d be cheerful, her usual loud self, making flirty quips at any opportunity and flashing that dazzling smile that let her get away with it all. Then later she’d be reserved, her silence almost deafening when she sat with her arms folded, refusing to say a single word except to rudely tell someone to leave her alone. The latter had been especially true whenever Zari had attempted to raise the subject of whatever  _ they  _ were. 

“Yeah.” Charlie exhaled, her eyes falling to her hands nervously pulling at the sleeves of her sweater. “Yeah, you’re not wrong. I have been avoiding this.” She took a deep breath and glanced up again. 

Zari kept quiet. She didn’t know how this conversation was supposed to go, whose turn it was to speak or even what she wanted to say next. There were so many different things she knew they needed to talk about eventually but getting to them was proving more difficult than she expected.

“Why?” A simple question with a less than simple answer. Charlie closed her eyes and sucked in another breath, maybe it would just be better to leave it unanswered, to walk away and forget all that had happened. But she couldn’t and she was almost certain Zari couldn’t either. 

“Because I’m rubbish at this stuff” she replied weakly, forcing herself to open her eyes. “And…” This was going to be the difficult part. “And because I’m afraid you’re going to say it needs to stop and this, whatever this is, has to end because I’m not…” She let her words trail off, maybe bringing  _ that _ up wasn’t such a good idea.

“You’re not…what?” Zari frowned, they needed to have this conversation but Charlie wasn’t making it easy with half-finished sentences. 

Charlie took another deep breath. Fine. If that’s what it came down to, better just to get it over with quickly and let whatever was going to happen take its course. “Because I’m not Amaya and that’s who you really want.”

_ Zari stood fixed in silence in the small laundry room, running her hands over the soft material of a black sweater she’d found behind the dryer.  _

_ “Can’t figure out which setting to use?” She turned, eyes widening as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t be and found Ray stood just a few feet away from her. She’d been so lost in her own thoughts, she hadn’t even noticed him approach. “For something like that it depends on the material.” He was talking about the sweater, she realized after a second, he thought she was planning to put it through the laundry cycle. “If it’s-“ _

_ “It’s not mine.” She cut him off, saving them both the long explanation of all the different ways to wash and dry a sweater.  _

_ “Okay,” he replied slowly, noticing how uncharacteristically still and quiet she was being and hoped an explanation would soon follow. _

_ Zari snapped out of her trance and relaxed, her shoulders slumping forward as she leaned back against the washing machine. Ray looked concerned as he took another step forward, trying to read the expression on her face. _

_ “It’s Amaya’s,” she explained, eyes dropping to the garment in her hands, not wanting to meet his gaze and see a look of pity she knew he’d be wearing. “Was,” she corrected herself, “It was Amaya’s.” _

_ “Oh.” She could already hear the hints of sympathy in his sadder tone. “I uh…I thought Sara got rid of...you know after she...when-” _

_ “Yeah. She did. But I guess she missed this one. I found it behind the dryer.”  _

_ Ray nodded in response. Less than a month had gone by after Amaya’s departure when they’d found Nate lying in bed, eyes red and puffy from crying, surrounded by piles of her clothes, books and other assorted belongings. She’d taken none of it with her when she returned to Zambesi. Sara had taken immediate action, realizing tough love might be the best way forward, and insisted on getting rid of all of it. Nobody dared argue with her determined tone. It wasn’t a particularly fun venture but during the process, their captain had reminded them that it wasn’t a sad ending. Amaya had gone home, to find love, start a family and live a long and full life. She was happy and none of them could ever bring themselves to deny her that. _

_ “Are you okay?” Ray knew she wasn’t, that was obvious from her body language but he wasn’t sure how else to get her to keep talking. _

_ “I’m not sure.” Zari answered honestly, “It’s been months since I’ve felt this…” she paused, frowning as she tried to determine exactly what it was she was feeling, “…sad. I thought it was okay, that we were okay with her not being here anymore.” _

_ “That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to miss her. I do. All the time.” Ray managed a weak smile, trying his best to sound reassuring. They all missed Amaya. They knew it was for the best and were all more than familiar with the repercussions of her failing to take her place in history but all the logical explanations in the world could do nothing to stop them missing her and wishing she was still among them.  _

_ Still avoiding making eye contact, she ran her fingers over the dark material of the abandoned sweater and shrugged. “It’s just complicated with Charlie around now.” _

_ “Because she reminds you of her?” _

_ “Because she  _ doesn’t _.” Zari finally looked up to and dropped the sweater on top of the washing machine. A look of confusion had crossed Ray’s face, she hadn’t expected him to understand. “At first she did but the appearance is where the similarity begins and ends. They couldn’t be more different. Charlie’s impulsive and reckless, she’s infuriating and irresponsible and…” She looked around the room, her mind desperately searching for words to describe the most recent addition to the team. “And charming,” she finally settled on the truth, there was no point lying about it anymore, “and has an annoying habit of making me smile when I really don’t want to. She’s a pretty good kisser too.”  _

_ Ray grinned, “you kissed her?” _

_ Zari rolled her eyes. Trust Ray, ever the hopeless romantic, to fixate on that one detail. “Quite a few times actually,” she answered honestly. “But it’s complicated with…” her hands gestures towards the discarded black sweater as she sighed, “You know what, forget it, doesn’t matter.”   _

_ “It doesn’t have to be, maybe you two need to talk about this.” His words were almost lost as she quickly turned and left the laundry room, not wanting to let this conversation go any further.  _

“You’re still in love with her, aren’t you? I can tell that’s who you’re thinking about when you look at me.” Charlie looked sadder now and her voice sounded almost angry. 

“No.” Zari answered quietly. “No, I’m not in love with Amaya. Not anymore.” It felt liberating to say out loud, like a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders. 

Charlie frowned and shook her head. She shifted, intending to get up and leave but a hand reached for her own and kept her in place.

“Please, just let me explain. I need to say this.” She wasn’t sure she wanted to listen but she remained still anyway as Zari spoke. “How I felt about Amaya was complicated. It’s a story for another day but when I finally figured it out, she was gone. Then for the longest time, without even realizing, I was still holding onto the idea that she’d come back. When we met you, and you had the same face, it felt like losing her all over again and I was constantly reminded of it. But then I got to know you and who you really are and well...we got closer,” A slight smile broke through her sincere focus, her thumb gently grazing back and forth against Charlie’s hand, “and when I looked at you I didn’t see Amaya, I saw Charlie.”

Charlie couldn’t stop the grin pulling at the corners of her mouth. From the moment she’d stepped foot on the Waverider, almost everyone she’d encountered had called her by the wrong name, silently comparing her to the person they knew and she could tell she paled in comparison. Words couldn’t describe the feeling that arose at being told someone looked at her and didn’t see Amaya.

“Someone who drives me completely crazy but who I care about a lot.” Zari’s eyes fell onto their intertwined hands and exhaled. “When you kissed me for the first time, I wasn’t thinking about Amaya. I got scared of how I felt about you and tried to tell myself it was because I felt guilty, that I was somehow betraying her and that’s why I reacted the way I did. But that changed after that day in the medbay after the wendigo attack when you…” she paused for a moment, the memory bringing her smile back. “When you said you loved me. Then I realized the way I felt about you had nothing to do with anybody else. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I-”

Her words were lost as Charlie leaned forward and caught her lips with her own. Her hands moved to either side of Zari’s face, deepening the kiss. After a few blissful moments passed, they broke apart, both breathless and smiling.

“I love you,” Charlie whispered, resting her forehead against Zari’s. 

“I love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed this second chapter and the two together, i had a lot of fun writing these.  
> comments and feedback always appreciated.  
> feel free to yell at me about this or legends in general on tumblr @princesstomaz

**Author's Note:**

> based loosely on a headcanon idea i had for their first “i love you”
> 
> constructive criticism always welcome 
> 
> feel free to scream at me about this, zarlie or legends in general on tumblr @princesstomaz


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